It is a known fact that break-ups are terrible. The first few months after separating from a loved one can be the hardest time in a person’s life as they try to deal with the upset, loneliness and boredom following a break-up.
But there are ways to bypass these months, making them a little easier on you during the adjustment. Some people take up hobbies, something to define the new version of themselves. Others throw themselves into their work, hoping to distract themselves from the flurry of emotions building up inside of them. And some decide to take a more physical approach, using their free time to have sexual encounters that they were not permitted to have while in their relationship.
Sometimes this tactic can make a person feel complete and wanted, but it can also lead to other issues, as was the case with Australian, Nadia Bokody, who found herself having to cope with a recently discovered sexual addiction and something even more daunting. Read on to find out more about Bokody’s journey.
Being in a relationship can make life seem perfect, but not all relationships last.
Sometimes the Magic Dies
And the relationship becomes nothing more than a performance of what it once was.
Breaking-up is Sometimes the Only Solution
Although we often want to deny it, sometimes breaking up is just the best option, even though it could leave you and your partner emotionally fractured for some time afterwards.
But Breaking Up Can Also Be a Relief
View this post on Instagram
I've loved dressing up since I was a little girl. . It made me feel pretty. My mum would exclaim, "You look so pretty!" and I'd feel a warm, indescribable glow. I felt seen, when people told me I looked "pretty". And so I came to associate being pretty with being worthy of attention. I became obsessed with doing whatever it took, to provoke that compliment. I dieted to fit into impossibly dainty dresses; the constant nagging hunger seeming worth it for the pay-off of being 'seen'. I gave myself to any man who noticed me, asking nothing in return. And I had my face pricked with needles and scalpels, draining my bank balance, convinced the pain and debt were worth it, for that one, warm, glowy moment of being called "pretty". . It's taken me decades to realise that living for other people's approval is not the path to happiness. In fact, it only made me miserable, and at points desperate for the affection of anyone who'd give it to me, in any quantity. . Today, I'm a different person. And I do, in fact, feel pretty, oh-so pretty (yes, just like the song!). But it's a different kind of pretty, a kind that has nothing to do with my appearance. . I feel pretty lucky to have friends and family who have supported me through my mental health battles, I feel pretty accomplished to have achieved my career dreams after years of hard work to get here, I feel pretty blessed to have each and every one of you supporting me and helping build this incredible community, and I feel pretty goddamn fabulous for being true to myself. . I'm living authentically for the first time in my life, regardless of whether others approve of my path. And now, I know I'm worthy on the inside, no matter how I look on the outside. 💕
This is something that Nadia Bokody discovered after she divorced from her husband of seven years.
Her Divorce Allowed Her To Experience A New Way Of Life
Bokody, the global editor of She Said, wrote that she had embarked on a sexual experiment after divorcing from her husband of seven years.
And she even listed the people that she’d slept with; sounds like Ryan, Ted, Matt, Charlie, Steve, Ben and Lisa were a lucky bunch!
It Was A Sexual Experiment That Helped Her Cope With The Separation
View this post on Instagram
Women who embrace their sexuality are so often feared and demonised. Is it because they compel us to confront our own unease with sex as a society? I think so.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ Here's the thing, though: regardless of how conservatively we dress, or how detached we remain from our body and its sexual desires for fear of slut-shaming, we can’t protect ourselves from judgement. (Trust me, I know! I have plenty of haters.) There will ALWAYS be someone who dislikes us, and so often, it's because of the threat we pose to them – they're worried our confidence will somehow outshine their light (FYI: it won't. There's plenty of room in this world for us all to glow). There will ALWAYS be people to whom our very existence will be seen as an inconvenience, even when we're just going about our own business. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ So then, why not DROP THE SHAME, dress and live as loudly and boldly as you want, and just do you? Yes, it may attract some haters, but trust me, when you OWN who you are, there's no criticism or judgement in the world that can dim your light. #FACTS
During this time, Bokody admitted to sleeping with seven men a week, sometimes even having sex six to seven times a day.
Guess Seven Is Her Lucky Number?
She found that these sexual encounters helped her through her divorce, stating that they made her feel “alive” after being a wife for almost a decade.
And Bokody Loves A Colourful Metaphor
Writing about these experiences, Bokody described her sexual encounters as a “pot of gold at the end of my sexual rainbow.”
Sex Allowed Her To Fulfil Certain Desires
View this post on Instagram
Good morning hoes ☀️⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ .⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ PS- In keeping with my honesty theme, I look like death warmed up today. I'm still battling a bad bug from my flight home to Australia. So I'm posting a pic from a couple of months ago where I look cute and happy because I don't feel like putting my snotty red-nosed face in front of the camera today, but I still wanted to say hi. If you have any home remedies for fighting a virus, I'd love you to share them! 🙏
Bokody also wrote that experiencing a stream of different lovers made her feel like she had “quenched” the unfulfilled desires that she had during her marriage.
She Now Refers To These Encounters As Her Sexual Rainbow
“And so, without entirely setting out to, I began a seven-day expedition of sorts, venturing through each of the hues of the new sexual rainbow coming into focus at the end of a long and heady relationship storm”.
And It Seems That It Helped Her Reclaim Her Identity
View this post on Instagram
7 WAYS TO TELL IF YOU'RE A SLUT: ✔️You have sex when you want, without shame ✔️You don't subscribe to the idea that a woman has to dress modestly in order to be respected ✔️You use masturbation as a healthy part of your self-care routine ✔️You believe access to contraception is a basic human right ✔️You practice ongoing, enthusiastic consent and believe that 'no' is not an invitation to be convinced or coerced ✔️You own your body, and your sexuality ✔️You're not ashamed of the glorious, sexual goddess you are ✨ . How many of the above did you tick off?
The hardest part of any break-up is trying to reclaim your identity. Bokody revealed that her string of sexual encounters made her feel “paradoxically invigorated”.
They Made Her Feel Like Herself Again
“I felt alive. I felt like me. And I loved it. “
And The Experiences Were Not Necessarily About Lust
It was about emotional fulfilment.
On Some Occasions, She Even Cried
Bokody admitted that she would sometimes cry “happy tears” straight after some of the encounters.
Putting Her In Touch With Something Greater
“Quenching the frustrations and unspoken desires left lingering at the end of my marriage breakdown hadn’t just given me a newfound love of sex again, it had put me back in touch with something greater.”
The Sex Reminded Her Of A Time Before She Was Branded Someone’s Wife
“Letting go of everything I knew about love, lust, and sexual gratification in the strange security of transient lovers who knew nothing of me or my history allowed me to find my way back to myself – before I was a wife, a girlfriend, or even someone’s fling. And that was the real pot of gold at the end of my sexual rainbow.”
But It Seems That Bokody Has An Addictive Personality
Nadia even admitted that she once had six men on rotation, claiming that she was addicted to them and the sex.
She Would Have Sex Six Or Seven Times A Day
Speaking on the Australian radio show, Kyle and Jackie O, Bokody was asked about the amount of times that she would have sex in a day.
A Number That Bokody Didn’t Think Was That High
“I don’t think it’s anything astronomical but I would have sex maybe six or seven times in a day.”
It Was With The Same Man… Usually
“I would have the odd day where it might have been more than one person in a day but it would have been no more than two.”
Now Bokody Believes She May Have Had Some Kind Of Sex Addiction
Bokody never believed that she was a sex addict until she met her current boyfriend, Kynan.
She Was Also Diagnosed With Something Else…
Nadia has also been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which she is still receiving regular treatment for.
It’s Something That She Has Not Let Define Her
When speaking to FEMAIL, Bokody had this to say about her diagnosis:
“I checked in with a therapist and he suggested I consider the possibility I had addiction issues around sex and that I was severely codependent. From there, I discovered and joined a group called Co-Dependents Anonymous, a support group who work on the same concept as Al-Anon, and eventually spent some time in a psychiatric facility, where I was formally diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.”
A Common Trait Of Bpd Is Hypersexuality
Reckless sexual behaviour is a trait often associated with the illness, as well as an acute fear of loneliness and abandonment.
And The Sex Has Ultimately Had A Pretty Negative Impact On Nadia’s Life
“It came to a point where it was really affecting my ability to go about my day… I was finding it very difficult to focus at work and at one point I left on my lunch break to have a casual encounter with someone I had just met online.”
Bokody Has Spoken About Society’s Perception Of Sex Addiction
“We are quite comfortable with thinking of addiction as something that’s tied to something quite tangible, like an illicit substance or alcohol, but we have a very hard time as a society accepting that people can be addicted to something less tangible, like love or sex. But addiction is a cerebral process, it’s got very little to do with the substance of choice and so much more to do with chasing that high, that dopamine hit that we all get when we engage in something pleasurable.”
But Now Nadia Has Found Something Real
At this moment in time, Nadia is in a healthy and monogamous relationship with her boyfriend, Kynan. We’re happy that she’s found a partner who understands her addiction and mental illness, and who is still happy to be there for her.
And She Never Once Hid Her Past From Him
“It’s a mental health issue, it’s not something to be ashamed of, and you should be able to be very honest with a partner about that. Once Ky and I became quite committed and close a couple of months into the relationship I felt comfortable to open up to him about it.”
Sometimes Nadia Still Finds It Hard
Bokody sometimes finds her relationship hard due to her mental illness, finding it difficult to be separated from Kynan when he has to go away for work.
But She’s Happier
But she is happier than she was before, and she has found something real to focus on.
Bokody now has a YouTube channel, wherein she talks about sex positivity and mental health issues.
This girl’s great. We’ll definitely be watching! Will you?
If you’d like to share it on any social media (Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter or Instagram) try this.
Keep visiting Trending Dirt for more interesting news.