It’s the one truth we all hate hearing more than anything else: he’s just not into you. Even when everything appears to be going smoothly, and you can see no logical reason why the person you like wouldn’t be into you, this one can come out of nowhere and end your blossoming relationship.
There’s pretty much nothing you can do when somebody just isn’t into you. It’s not your fault, after all. It all comes down to that natural spark and attraction that you either have with somebody, or not. You can’t force it when it’s not there, so don’t feel too bad if the guy you could see yourself ending up with just isn’t feeling it. The best thing to do is accept it and find that person you deserve, who is into you!
Texting first is generally thought to be a sign that somebody is keen on you, but a guy can still be not into you if he’s doing it. There are quite a few other signs that indicate how he feels inside, and when you combine them together, you just might have a clear idea of whether it’s worth persisting with him, or whether you should cut your losses before you get hurt.
Here are 15 signs that he’s just not into you, even if he is texting you first. Do you recognize any?
15. He Can’t Accept Who You Are And Tries To Change You To Suit His Preferences
As humans, when we really like somebody, we tend to overlook their flaws. While some traits might be turn-offs for us on other people, they don’t always bother us as much on the people we’re into. It’s not really logical, but it’s just that unexplainable attraction that messes with our brains when we’re falling in love! So if he’s really into you, he won’t be trying to change all the things about you that don’t suit him. He’ll be accepting you for who you are.
Obviously, somebody who cares about you will help you grow, and make changes that will benefit you in the long run. But they won’t try to eliminate the things that make you who you are, that somebody who really loves you would accept.
14. He’s Always Too Busy And Organizing A Date Is A Nightmare
Even if somebody’s job is a 10 on the stress scale, and they have a million other things going on in their life, they’ll still make time for the people they care about. We all have the same 24 hours to work with, and nobody is too busy for the people that matter to them. He might be into you a little bit, but if he’s super busy all of the time and he has no time for you, he just isn’t into you enough to be worth your time.
A guy who is into you will want to go out with you, so organizing a date should never feel like a chore. You should never feel like you’re annoying him when you ask—if he’s feeling you, he feels lucky to go on a date with you!
13. When He Texts, It’s Never To Ask You How You Are Or About Your Day
Not all texts were created equal! It usually is a good sign if a man is texting you first, but look at what the texts are saying before you get too excited. Someone who’s really interested in you will ask you about your day and want to know how you’re going. He’ll ask about things that you’ve mentioned in the past, because he cares about the microscopic details. Why? Because he cares about you as a person!
It could mean he’s not into you at all if every text is him trying to organize a time to get some booty. Or, if he makes small conversation to keep you around, but he never wants to know how you really are, or who you really are.
12. He’s Religious About Keeping You Away From His Friends And Family
It’s not usually a good sign if he’s trying to keep you away from his family, friends and any other important people in his life. If he was serious about you, to the point where he was imagining your future together, he would want to introduce you to those key figures at some point. He’d be making room for you in his life, and that includes in his relationship with his family and friends.
On the other hand, if you find that he doesn’t want you to meet them (or see them again if you have met them), it might mean that he just doesn’t like you enough to want to keep you around in the future. We all know how awkward it is having our families get to know someone, only to tell them later that we broke up, so he could be trying to avoid that altogether!
11. The Future Is NOT Up For Discussion, Even When You Mention It
Speaking of the future, if a guy just isn’t into you, it won’t be up for discussion. He definitely won’t bring it up with you (unless it’s to talk to you about his own future which has nothing to do with you, to brutally give you a hint), and he’ll shut it down when you try to bring it up.
Couples who are serious about each other talk about the future at one point or another. Even if you’re not the type who enjoys serious conversations, commitment kind of scares you and you want to take the relationship as slowly as you can, eventually you’ll have that discussion together. It might be a long way down the track, but it will happen. So it’s not a great sign if you’ve been seeing someone for a long time and they refuse to talk about anything like this with you.
10. He Talks To You About Other Women And Doesn’t Even Blush
Does the guy you’re dating constantly ramble on about other women? They might be women that he’s seen on a night out with you, his female friends or even exes. If he can do this without feeling awkward in front of you, it could mean that he just sees you as a friend with benefits or a fling.
Of course, every couple is different, and if an open relationship is what you have going on, this might not apply to you. Generally speaking, though, a guy who is really interested in you will be reluctant to bring up other women in front of you, for fear of scaring you off or giving you the wrong idea. Some guys might do it in the beginning to make you jealous, but those games shouldn’t last very long!
9. You’re Okay In The Physical Department, But That’s All He Wants From You
The physical side to a relationship is one of the most important elements. It is a really good sign that your relationship is healthy if you’re doing fantastically in this area, and physically, things couldn’t be better. That said, you’ll want to make sure that he wants you even when it’s not three in the morning.
Physically intimacy is a huge part of the relationship, but it’s not the only part. You should also be able to talk to each other, lean on each other and have other sorts of fun together. It’s okay if you have a relationship with somebody where you just get together for those three in the morning sessions, but be aware that he’s probably not into you as a partner if that’s the case.
8. He Plays Games That Confuse The Socks Off You
In the initial stages of a relationship, a few cat and mouse games can be fun. You both might be playing hard to get, trying to make the other jealous, and getting a thrill along the way. That’s what’s so exciting about getting closer with someone new! In the long run, though, nobody’s got time for that sh*t. The games have to stop eventually.
Nobody deserves to spend an entire relationship feeling insecure about how their partner feels about them. Even if he plays hard to get in the beginning, it should get to a stage where you know for a fact that he likes you. You shouldn’t be looking at all his mixed messages and getting your hopes up and then feeling disappointed in a vicious cycle. Trust us: that gets old pretty darn quickly.
7. The Only Time You DO Hear From Him First Is When He’s Faded
Those messages that he sends you first may be a sign that he’s into you, but just make sure that he’s not always finishing a good night out when he’s sending them! He should care enough about you to message you when he’s completely sober, and when he’s all alone. Only sending messages to you when he’s out with his friends could mean he’s trying to prove a point to them, or he’s just trying to continue the fun of his night. Don’t be someone who’s there for his fun when you want something more serious from him.
In themselves, inebriated texts aren’t necessarily bad. They do say that such minds speak sober hearts, so if you’re the one he chooses to text after some drinks, he is still thinking about you. Just make sure he’s thinking about you at other times too!
6. You Hang Out Together, But He Won’t Take You On A Real Date
It’s a positive thing if he’s making time in his schedule to see you. However, you can make a few guesses about how he really feels based on what you guys get up to when you do see each other. If you’re always hanging out in a low-key way, and you treat each other more as friends than as anything else, maybe he sees you as just a friend.
Everybody is different, and some people aren’t into the whole formal dating thing. So alone, this doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s not into you. But his treating you like a friend rather than like a girlfriend could signify that he really likes you as a friend, and he’s just not into you as anything more serious.
5. He Makes Absolutely Zero Effort For You, Even Though He’s Your Top Priority
One-way relationships are always really easy to spot: one person will be doing all the work, and the other won’t reciprocate. You’ll be texting first, you’ll be ringing to organize dates and you’ll be inconveniencing yourself for him, while he won’t be doing the same for you at all. This is a clear sign that you should walk away from that relationship, because he’s not interested.
It’s completely unfair for one person to be doing all the work in a relationship, so we wouldn’t recommend sticking with somebody who treats you this way, even if you like them a lot. It’s never a guy’s fault for not liking you, but it would be kinder to be brave and tell you so, rather than string you along and let you do all the work.
4. When Other Guys Show Interest In You, He Doesn’t Get Green Eyes
Full-blown jealousy can be an ugly trait in a partner, but whether you admit it or not, a slight green eye is flattering. You don’t want your man to be so jealous and possessive that he gets upset every time another guy looks at you, but you also don’t want him to not care at all. Even if he’s confident, trusting and accepting, he should at least notice when you’re getting hit on, even if he makes no reaction. Even if his only reaction is a small joke.
It might be a sign that he’s just not interested if he couldn’t care less if other guys are checking you out. If he doesn’t care at all, it could be because he doesn’t see you as being with him.
3. You Can’t Lean On Him When You Need Him, And Feel Like He Doesn’t Care About You
A person who is into you will care about you, and be there when you need them. Think about the people in your life that mean a lot to you—you’d probably never leave them hanging when they needed you! In the same way, you might be able to tell whether a guy is really into you based on if he’s there for you.
The extent to which he helps you and supports you obviously increases as time continues and the relationship grows, so we’re not saying to dump the guy you just started seeing if he’s not letting you cry on his shoulder yet. As you get closer, you’ll get a sense of whether he really is there for you or not, and whether he cares enough to be.
2. The People Who Care About You Know He’s Not For You, And Tell You About It
Never underestimate the power of good advice! Most have only a handful of people in their lives who truly want the best for them, and whom they can truly trust. Once you work out who that is for you (it might be your best friends, your parents, or somebody else), listen to what they have to say about your relationship. More often than not, their advice comes from a good place and is worth listening to!
Pay attention if those people in your life tell you that a guy is not for you. It’s likely that they’re seeing that he’s not good for you or not into you, when you can’t because you’re too blinded by emotion. There’s a chance they could be wrong if he’s proving otherwise to you, but if you can see a lot of other signs on this list, they’re probably right!
1. After Seeing Him, You’re Left Questioning Yourself About How He Feels About You
Like we said, every relationship should get to the point where you know that you are loved the way you should be. It’s emotionally and mentally draining to be with somebody who’s unclear about their feelings, and who makes you feel incredibly insecure about the state of your relationship. If he gives you reason to feel like this, it might mean he’s just not into you.
In most cases, when a guy is really into you, you’ll know about it. There will be no need to second guess him or yourself. And the point of having a partner is to improve your life, not to leave you feeling terrible every time you finish seeing him.
Save your love for somebody who lets you know exactly how they feel, and makes you happy much more than they make you stressed!